so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
