Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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