Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
