Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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