Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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