No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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