u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
