so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
