I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
