Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
