She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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