i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
