I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
