remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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