If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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