i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
