put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
