He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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