there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
