i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
