its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Let's paint friendship bongs
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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