So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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