the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
