We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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