You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
