btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
