It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Vodka?
Forever.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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