I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
