Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
