walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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