Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
