At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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