I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
