But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
