Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
