I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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