You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
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STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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