The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
