Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
