I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
