Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
