just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.