please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain