thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.