I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
