I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
