i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
