The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
