when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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