I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
