why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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