someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
