K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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