So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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