He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
