this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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