I'll bet she douches with gravy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
