return my video game
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
