you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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