it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
