and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
