shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
