I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
