I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
