just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
