im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
