Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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