well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
