you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
