Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
